Not too long ago I answered a question on a blog or Facebook post somewhere, something to the tune of "How does the God/dess speak to you?" I first replied, "Through dreams or daemons, of course," and then took it a bit deeper.
For many years I felt no devotion or affiliation with any particular deity/pantheon group and just kind of followed the elusive "God and Goddess" force common with Wicca (as I started out Wiccan back in the late 90s) but this always kind of bothered me and felt a bit like false play acting. Then when I became pregnant with my first child I began to identify with Gaia and in the years since have done so with Persephone, Demeter, Hades, Dionysus, Hecate, Hera and most recently Zeus (it's all Greek to me and I have no idea why). At this point I can't call it "devotion"... its more like they are new friends that have things to teach me. Most of them have appeared to me through (believe it or not) characters of pop culture. For example Roseanne Barr represents Hecate for me. Or Severus Snape (Harry Potter) represents Hades. I have a past blog post on some of this. It's not always pop culture though. Birds lately seem to represent something that Hera is currently imparting to me. As far as talking with and having frank conversations with the God/esses... I honestly don't know how yet. Other than acknowledgment through written word (such as this blog) I haven't figured that out. Its more like I am listening for their voices, although I don't hear actual "voices"... it's more like signs or story lines. I do have a few physical associations such as a crisp autumn wind for me is a message from Demeter (this is how she first "spoke" to me).
In house hunting a few years ago as we pulled open the door to look into the home we have now that same kind of fall wind suddenly gusted that had that same "Demeter" feeling at that moment and I knew right then that this was where I'd spend a great deal of my motherhood. Even though I dream of bigger and better, our house has that little and cute cottage type look and feel. In fact I call it "The Burrow" (the name of a ramshackle cute cottage of a poor wizarding family in the Harry Potter series). I find it ironic that I am starting to feel uneasy living here because of recent weather phenomenon. Or is the fierce side of Mother Nature trying to tell me something else besides, "Hey, I'm here and I'm bi-polar !"?
I think it is. Perhaps it is the voice of the Gods trying to tell me something about fear. Since the lightning strike I have lived in constant fear. Every odd noise or bright light makes me jump, and at night I kind of lie in bed with a sick feeling in my stomach and my body thrumming with adrenaline, a fight or flight response of a mother fox nestled in with her cubs sleeping with one eye open. I wait for hours for sleep to come. I saw the inside of the neighbor's home yesterday (my daughter was bugging him to see inside as he came to pick up a few last things and he was kind enough to show us inside). That strike knocked a hole clear through the ceiling and the the rest of that room's ceiling was dotted with burn scorches. The light switches looked as if they'd been dropped in a fryer. If that lightening had forked just about 15-20 feet the other way that would have been my daughter's bedroom.
I'm beginning to believe that the God/esses are trying to tell me about OTHER fears in my life that I might be repressing. And that I'm probably not going to like much what they have to say.
