I Wanna See Your Peacock!

Our first freeze (slightly below 32 degrees) here in North Texas has rolled in this week.  Lovin' it.  Most people (especially around here) would think me insane.  But I've always loved the cold.  I mentally and spiritually flourish within it.  I would be blissfully content to live in a part of the States like New York state that sees practically arctic winters with snowdrifts burying the front door.  But nope... we get about 8-9 months of summer (in the middle of it three months of BRUTAL 100 degree plus summer) and a month of spring, a month of fall, and a couple of months of something resembling winter.  That time is now upon us.

Last night I had a dream (one of my usual disconnected and random ones) that had vaguely to do with marriage.  And this morning on my "Pagan" Facebook account I was greeted with this picture:

Hera: Primarily known as the goddess of women and marriage Hera is mostly portrayed as "majestic and solemn".  Applied to daily life Hera embodies the trials, challenges, and celebrations women experience in all phases of life.  Not that I've never read up on Hera before but in researching a bit for this blog post I was reading about how Hera was said to have taken bird form and she had quite a "thing" and use for peacocks.  And it got me thinking about the connection I've lately felt with birds that I've been trying to find a deeper meaning to.  

Could this be a calling from Hera?  Its rare that I feel "called" by certain god/esess, but as the years go by I can name a few that happen to be all Greek or Greco-Roman: (Gaia, Persephone, Demeter, Dionysus, Hades, Hecate).  And now I should probably add Hera to that list. 

What does this have to do with the dream I mentioned above?  I was married once before I married the Family Guy and that marriage lasted about six years.  My first husband (Whoa Tornado's biological father) shall be Christened here as Deadbeat Dad - DBD.  The marriage was never very healthy, strong or productive (other than producing the sweet old soul that is Whoa Tornado) but it wasn't totally terrible until the last two years.  One thing I really envy are exes that still co-parent together as friends because he and I simply cannot do it.  As the years pass in between the divorce and now we head more and more toward being mortal enemies.  We haven't spoken or had a conversation in about two years but my daughter does still continue to see him every other weekend (but really she's visiting his parents more than visiting him).  Long story short he's 36 years old living in a dark dungeon of a room at his parents' place and he spends his time either sleeping, playing video games, watching movies, or doing courses for "online schooling".  He hasn't had anything resembling an actual job since about 2006 and he's something like $12,000 behind in child support.

Anyway in the last year of that marriage I believe I half ass petitioned Hera for comfort and support in keeping that union together.  And despite the fact that Hera is the goddess of protecting the union of marriage She doesn't seem to be one that is much for just quietly sitting back and taking crap from a lover and it seems in retrospect that her answer was "Hell no, let it go."

Despite being divorced and remarried I do believe in most cases that marriage should really last for life but if one has to end that it should be fought for to the death before letting it go.  Which is exactly what I did.  And my husband and I now are committed for the long haul.  This morning I read on a website that sells beautifully artistic Goddess dolls a statement on the Hera section: 

"And when you choose to intimately pair with another, Together you are One in marriage, committed to mutual support, protection, passion, and love." 

To me that rings 100% true.  So true in fact that here is a bit of sadness that I see within the severed alliance of a former marriage.  I've mentioned soul loss (the fracturing of a soul through extremely traumatizing personal events and divorce or death of loved ones are great examples of these) here before.   Well, last night I dreamed of my ex husband and in the dream we had some sort of forced interaction due to a Whoa Tornado school event (this would never happen in real life as DBD refuses to show up to those things) and in an extremely uncomfortable eye avoiding conversation in the classroom he handed me an amythyst heart necklace that he'd once given me in real life (and I think in real life I have either buried it deep in the Level 5 Hoard bedroom closet or thrown it away).  I asked him why he had it and told him, "I thought I still had this... what were you doing with it?"  Then he said, "Well apparently I still have a part of it."

Ugh.  UGH!  Very disturbing!  Its a slap in the face obvious... in my anger toward him (not anger about the failed relationship but the financial destruction the marriage created for me and laziness toward his daughter) obviously has claimed a huge part of my soul.

Ok Hera, peacock, crow, parakeet... or any other sign from the Universe that I need to let go of the anger.  I get it.  The next question is... where to find the strength to do so.